I'll always clearly remember a good friend telling me about the time her roommate spilled a drink on her (expensive) laptop. The act rather unceremoniously ended the computer's life (and my friend's budget). More importantly, it was the last straw of frustration for her.
I left out one thing in that paragraph, though - my friend's roommate never told her about the spilled drink. If I had to guess, the failure to communicate was just as frustrating (if not more) than losing the laptop.
Most roommate issues - like most relationships - boil down to communication. As an old saying goes, "The great enemy of communication is the illusion of it."
Wondering what areas are most in need of communication? Here's some typical areas that can cause tension when you and your roommates aren't communicating well:
Paying rent
This is probably one of the most primary (and obvious) areas of conflict. The worst scenario here can be lack of payments, but late payments, disagreements over how to handle payments, and more can arise here.
You can't change others' communication patterns, but do work to set an example here. If you need to pay late for some reason, or feel something is wrong with your current method, open the lines of communication. Let your roommates know the issue in an objective, non-accusatory way.
Tidiness of common areas
Expectations on how clean the common areas "should be" often differ drastically among roommates. Some people won't notice a mess, while others will compulsively clean them up.
A bad result of not communicating about this can often be that one person does all the tidying, which leads to frustration for that one person (and others, who may wonder why their stuff has been moved!). Keep in mind that you can hire a house cleaner, which may alleviate some of these stresses.
Responsibilities for chores
Dishes piling up? Floor looking gross? Who's turn was it to take out the trash again?
Not talking about who is supposed to do what to keep the house in running order can cause serious aggravation. An agreed-upon list of tasks can really help here.
Hosting others
In some situations, roommates are already sharing their living spaces with functional strangers. This can get even more tense when more unknown people show up.
Try to set a policy of roommates letting each other know before they invite guests over whenever possible. Also, it may be helpful for the person inviting guests to be the one also responsible for tidying up beforehand.
Different life schedules
Small aggravations can arise when morning- and night-people live together. Thinking back to college, I remember being an RA in and having to navigate the discussions between those hallmates who wanted to be asleep at 11 PM and those who thought 11 PM was the beginning of the fun part of the evening.
Work to make some mutual agreements over "quiet hours" and keep each other in the loop as much as possible about anything that may disrupt sleeping hours. Knowing noise is coming and being rudely awakened are two very different things!
Levels of organization
Let's face it - some people need "everything in its place", and some people don't have a particular place for anything.
The biggest communication need here is for common areas. An agreed upon standard for where a few major things belong (dishes, the remote, shoes) can really help set a good expectation for future interactions.
Unspoken "friend" expectations
Some people find roommates and want to build friendships, while others simply need to save some money on rent. Wherever you may fall on that spectrum, be aware that friendly relationships now will make any conflict in the future go much more smoothly!
Looking for a list of chores to get you started talking with your roommates? Check out our "deep clean" checklist - maybe it can help you start the conversation with your roommates?
